The Dress
by rampantjake
Summary: AU - Buffy goes shopping for her wedding dress, her mind sparkling as she thought of Faith's reaction to seeing her in such an exquisite gown. But behind the beauty of the dress lies a woman in a shroud of tears.


Buffy had never been upstairs in the shop before, it was only recently she'd discovered this particular boutique and had browsed their perfumes and accessories downstairs more than once. She loved the contrast between the glass and steel counters offering all manner of make-up and the antique timbers on the walls and floors. But this afternoon she walked past the designer handbags and silk scarves and climbed an unfamiliar staircase letting the worn ebony of the banister trail beneath her hand.

On the first floor landing she caught sight of herself in a mirrored wall. She was wearing the black cashmere than Faith had bought her for Christmas the year before last. When it was new the soft wool had gripped her curves and the scooped neckline had shown off the swell of her breasts. It didn't cling anymore, it hung, she kept forgetting how much weight she had lost.

On the second floor Buffy stepped through an archway decorated with fake red roses and twisted plastic vines and entered into another world. The lighting was as flattering as candlelight and the white carpet seemed, to her, to have been laid that morning just for her.

"_Come here_", the racks of bridal dresses seemed to sing, "_You're beautiful. Bring me to life_"

The salesgirl wore matt brown lipstick and her dark hair was neatly sliced into a geometric bob. She didn't push Buffy into one particular style or designer but let her roam about the room at her leisure, for which she was grateful. The only intrusion came when the girl remarked that she seldom saw women on their own in the shop.

"Yes", replied Buffy not engaging eye contact, "But I wanted to find the right dress for me. Not to please my mother or one of my friends, I want it to be just so"

"It's a shame more women don't shop that way", laughed the salesgirl and pushed a glass of champagne into Buffy's hand, "Don't rush, take your time and when you find what you want let me know"

"Thankyou"

Buffy browsed the dresses, letting toile, chiffon, silk and satin glide through her fingers, pressing the fabrics to her cheeks and inhaling their potential. For a brief, delirious moment she thought about a red taffeta tube dress. She saw herself wearing it, a skinny scarlet woman, and pictured Faith's reaction when she saw her. That brash smile, those eyes that danced with mischief, those dimples that, every time they flashed, made Buffy fall in love with her all over again.

"On second thoughts, perhaps not", smiled Buffy as she sipped the warm champagne and idly toyed with the simple gold band on her finger.

For a moment she was tempted by a shift made of fine silver chain mail, but as soon as her eyes clasped the ivory gown she stopped looking.

'_You just know when it's the right dress'_, her mother had once said, '_The same way you know when you meet the right woman'_

The dress slid on, smooth and cool as a glass of milk. The salesgirl laced her into the boned bodice, which seemed to be tailored to the exact dimensions of her protruding ribcage. The fishtail skirt skimmed her hips, replacing long vanished curves. The crystals that hemmed the neckline threw tiny stars into Buffy's neck and cheeks, an instant facial making her seventeen again. With the right dress you didn't need make-up.

Buffy told the delighted salesgirl she would take the dress which was worth a whole month's commission to her. It would take Buffy two credit cards to cover the costs but she would worry about that later. The dress was carefully wrapped in purple tissue paper and placed in a silver box, which in turn slid gracefully into a large, square laminated paper bag with string handles.

The bag shone like amethyst. With its smooth purple sheen and silver lettering it was nearly as beautiful and exciting as the dress itself. Neither deserved to be sullied by casual onlookers and she headed quickly to her car feeling thin, glamorous and rich. Buffy normally wouldn't valet park but what was another ten dollars on a day like this?

On the long drive home she stretched across to the passenger seat stroking the delicious bag and it's equally intoxicating contents. As road markings became an anonymous blur and familiar street signs came into view Buffy knew she was nearly home and could finally breathe again.

She parked outside her apartment building and began the long trek up the endless stairs as the elevator was once more out of action. Buffy opened the door and flicked the light switch in the hallway, looking down to see her heel had spiked through an electricity bill marked 'Overdue' in bold red lettering. She trod it through to the bedroom and shook it off without even looking.

Once the bag was on her bed it seemed to lose it's semi-precious sparkle. It was nothing more than a purple paper bag. She looked at it for five, maybe ten, minutes willing some of the shop floor magic to return to it.

Finally, without opening it she placed the bag and its contents into the back of the closet next to the six (or was it seven?) other unworn wedding gowns. There was barely any space for her own clothes and shoes but something had stopped her from storing them in Faith's half of the closet even though it had been empty for four months now. She silently closed the closet door as she took Faith's favorite leather jacket off the hanger.

She clasped it in her hands and inhaled deeply, it still held the faintest wisps of cigarettes and tacos. Buffy wandered back over to the bed and lay down wrapping her arms around the jacket and felt the first of the burning tears slide down her cheeks as the phone rang.

She seldom answered it anymore and let the machine pick it up.

"Buffy, it's Willow….are you there? I know you're there Buffy, please pick up ….. I know you've been to LA again. You know you have to stop this, i-it's not healthy for you. Y-you're not the only one who lost Faith you know", the redhead said as her sobs broke through her frail words, "You're not the only one suffering here Buffy, she was my best friend and it was me who asked her to go to the store that night. I know you hate me and I don't blame you for that ….but I lost her that night ….I don't… I can't lose you too"

Willow's voice had cracked. Her sorrow and guilt flooding through each sound to escape her throat, her guilt shredding her soul as it had done so every waking moment since they got the phone call from the Emergency Room that night.

Buffy had stayed silent through the trial, only finally breaking down when the man put in a plea of no contest and was convicted of causing death by dangerous driving.

Buffy held the jacket a little closer and felt her tears consume her.

It would be another month before she could afford to go to another bridal store.

Another month until she, if only for the briefest of moments, felt like she was still alive.


End file.
